I can't believe I have to say this

But you can be friends with people who have different politics

“Sorry, Taylor Swift - friendships that cross political lines never work,” is a real headline from an Independent article I won’t be linking to, because screw their clicks.

Although I hoped that perhaps a bad headline was stuck onto a better article (a common occurrence in journalism, ask me how I know), I was being a sweet summer child. The writing is just as dumb as the headline suggests.

I’ve been meaning to write about how to talk politics to your loved ones without killing each other, on the other hand, and celebrity media trying to make a big deal out of Taylor Swift hugging the (allegedly) politically more conservative Brittany Mahomes is a good opportunity.

Whenever I bring up this topic, the screechiest drama queens start arguing that, “NATALIA WANTS PEOPLE TO BE FRIENDS WITH THOSE WHO WOULD KILL THEM” and “NATALIA PROMOTES ABUSE” and “I SAW NATALIA CAVORTING WITH THE DEVIL IN THE PUMPKIN PATCH.”

Of course that’s disingenuous crap. I don’t think that relationships built on abuse qualify as friendships. I don’t want people to get close to anyone who might actually harm them (it’s why I literally promote the concept of safer dating). I don’t cavort with the devil unless Friday nights at the brewery count.

Instead, what I want people to understand is that politics should not cut them off from their support networks. And yes, this goes for all of the people who insist we’re on the cusp of civil war (and may very well manifest it eventually). If you truly believe war is coming, why wouldn’t you reinforce your support network instead of destroying it?

Online culture thrives on drama, which is why entire influencer careers are built on how to most efficiently cut people out of our lives. This, in and of itself, is not surprising.

Please consider that the people who are telling you that everyone you know is “toxic” and “problematic” or a “libtard” or a “traitor” are NOT going to show up for you when you need a ride to the ER, or need someone to loan you a hundred bucks, or simply need a friend. It doesn’t work like that.

If you’re going to go no contact with some people who are actually important to you, think about who will take their place. We are taught, in ruthless detail, how to shut people out. But how to fill the void they leave behind? That conversation is just as important. It just doesn’t drive as much online engagement.

If you’re interested in how to safeguard your support network, please consider the following points:

1. Relationships ebb and flow. People get close, they drift apart, they get close again. Understanding these dynamics can help you lessen your resentment when a friendship cools off.

2. It helps to have clear red lines that you communicate to others. For example, major world events can have an impact on how we interact with each other. I’ve had to let plenty of people go since Russia first invaded by native country in 2014, and I went through another round of that when Russia began its full-scale invasion in 2022. I’m OK with that. But I was able to communicate how I felt before I shut those doors. I told people that they can knock on them again eventually, if they figure out why I chose to no longer have them in my life. And you know what? Some did understand, and knock, and were even able to do some good in the fight against Russian fascism. It taught me a good lesson. Not all lost friendships are lost forever.

3. Finally, and this is a big one, TALK TO PEOPLE IN PERSON AS MUCH AS YOU CAN — OR AT LEAST CALL THEM. The internet skews our perspective. Text messages skew our perspective. If you are surprised and hurt by the stuff a friend is writing on Facebook, maybe visit with that friend (if it’s safe to do so; always trust your instincts, they exist for a reason). If you’re going to have a friend breakup with a real friend — which always sucks, even if it’s sometimes necessary — don’t make it impersonal, if you can help it.

Also, while I hate having to point this out, it must be said: If you have people in your orbit who are constantly in conflict situations, and constantly “calling out” others for being “toxic” or whatever, maybe consider that they’re not as happy as they try to make themselves out to be, and perhaps they have psychological problems instead of an unerring sense of judgment. Not being able to sustain long term relationships doesn’t make you a badass. It just makes you kind of sad.

I’m a gun owner and target practice enthusiast who socializes with a lot of other gun owners. There are plenty of people in my community whom I don’t agree with on some major fucking issues. But over the years, we have forged meaningful bonds and have helped each other tremendously — and I mean real help, not performative likes on each other’s posts. It has humbled me, and it has given me a lot of hope.

At the same time, I have seen people who align with me politically on everything be vicious, callous psychopaths in their personal and professional lives. That too is humbling, In a less hopeful way.

Anyway, the point is: We need more friendship in this world, not less. We need to fight for what we love, as much as it is possible for us to do so.

I understand that some people will interpret this to mean, “Natalia wants you to go out and befriend your local rapist Nazi meth dealer.” And that’s fine. That’s the internet for you.

Thankfully, I didn’t write this for the lowest common denominator. I wrote this for you. For the smart ones <3