You're not a bank! Don't accept weirdo checks!
Tell your older relatives to stop it too
Dear Normies,
I would love to tell you about the things I’m thankful for this year — including each and every one of you — but I have a problem, and that problem is the holiday shopping season.
Scams are our ever-present reality, but I feel like it’s easier to fall for one around the holidays. A lot of people are stressed, and looking to make extra cash. Small businesses turn up the hustle. Many people look to unload items via places such as Facebook Marketplace, and many others are looking for affordable gifts this way. Also the days are shorter in our hemisphere and it does a bunch of things to our brains.
This is why I want to tell you more about check scams and why you simply should never accept a check if you’re selling something online.
I feel like I’m taking crazy pills (yes, I know I say that often, but the online world is often crazy), because I genuinely thought that small businesses, vendors, private sellers, people who offer services online whether it be style advice or graphic design, etc., do not do that anymore.
Maybe that’s due to the fact that I’ve been busy with other things, or maybe I’ve been too optimistic in my assessments.
Today, I am in a lot of different groups where people offer goods and services — everything from vintage dresses to private investigations is a big part of what I’m interested in. AND I HAVE BEEN STUNNED AT HOW MANY PEOPLE LATELY HAVE BEEN SAYING, “THIS BUYER WANTS MY GRANDMA’S MID-CENTURY CABINET AND WILL PICK IT UP WHEN HIS CHECK CLEARS. ARE WE GOOD TO GO?”
NO. NO, WE ARE NOT GOOD TO GO. HERE IS WHY:
First of all, there is an important distinction between a check being cleared and being validated and processed as such.
These are not the same concepts, and scammers bank (pun intended, sorry, I’m a dad at heart) on you to not know the difference.
We assume a check is good to go once we see the amount posted to our bank account. What we don’t realize is that identifying a well-made fraudulent check can take a while for your bank. The amount will post, and then it WILL DISAPPEAR a few days later — because your bank can simply take a while to catch on. The paper that check appears on can be just that good, that’s one thing.
And now your grandma’s stunning mid-century cabinet is being re-sold by some asshole who has already blocked your number, and you’re out of a thousand bucks. It’s not fair to you, and it’s not fair to grandma’s legacy.
There are different variations of this scam. A scammer from far away will not be interested in picking up your item, they’re not flying in from whatever hole they are hiding in. What they will do instead is send you a check for an amount that’s larger than what you agreed on, tell you something like, “Oh, that’s my bad, I messed up. Could you just PayPal me the difference?” The check will “clear,” so to speak, you will PayPal the difference (which could be in the thousands for a pricier item or service!), and then they disappear by the time your bank catches on that the check was false to begin with.
And don’t even get me started on the fact that if you’re letting someone mail a check to your place, you’re giving away your address. Yes, it’s easier when it’s a P.O. Box or something, But still.
More variations of check scams exist, but the point is this — do not accept a check when dealing with someone online. In fact, unless you’re in a relationship with whoever wrote the check — for example, you run the PTA and kids’ parents are sending you checks to buy tickets to a silent auction or something — you should not be accepting checks. It’s too risky.
“Oh but Natalia, some people are simply old-fashioned and only pay for stuff with checks.”
Great. Then they can pay with checks at their local shops of choice, that can swallow the cost should something untoward happen.
If you’re a hardcore luddite, you should not be shopping for goods and services online, especially not when it comes to small business owners and independent service providers. I’m sorry if that gets your pantyhose in a twist, but it’s the truth.
“But you can verify a check at the issuing institution!”
You can try. Honestly, a lot of people don’t have a good track record with this. Especially because the issuing institution may inspect the same way your banking app or ATM “inspects” it when it is first deposited. Meaning: A very good fraudulent operation may take a while to uncover.
In summary, please don’t take unnecessary risks. I don’t! I don’t accept checks for any type of private transaction with a stranger or semi-stranger on the internet. I’ve had random people get insistent and angry with me about it before, but I just blocked them and went about my day.
I recently saw a luddite get verbally abusive with a grocery store cashier because he wanted a discount that could only be downloaded through the store’s app. She kept apologizing, he kept bullying her, and it just made me so sad.
I can understand the appeal of being a luddite. I talk about how the internet is breaking our brains every damn day. I talk about how our phones have become crack cocaine for our brains, opening up windows onto other people’s neuroses, constant reams of bad news, and meaningless information. I GET IT.
But also, I want my readers, you guys, to guard your money and your grandma’s mid-century cabinets (if you’re sensing a theme, I bought some new furniture earlier this year and have been fawning over it).
Don’t get played. The Glorious Normie Restoration is a vehicle for good choices and good outcomes, and almost nothing good comes from accepting a check from some weirdo online.
I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here! Please send this piece to whoever needs to read it. And remember, it’s your support that keeps this project humming <3