When a romance scammer doesn't want money
USEmCee: A security nightmare and a liar who only desired control
Weāve all heard about romance scams, and the FTC actually has a good rundown on how to deal with them. Bottom line: A prospective partner whom youāve never met should not be asking you for money. Obviously, the isolation and stress of the pandemic has made people everywhere more vulnerable to this scam. This is why, if you know anyone whoās fallen prey to this lately, please donāt try to shame them. Itās the wrong strategy.
Having said all that, not all scammers want financial gain. A good example of this is USEmCee, a Marine NCO whom Iād interacted with on Twitter in the past, and whose case is decently summed up in this article on Task & Purpose.
Known for his flirtatiousness, USEmCee also told lies to various women on Twitter: Lies which ranged from āIām a virgin who canāt get a dateā to āIām the Marine Corps version of James Bondā (spoiler: this guy is actually in the band).
His downfall occurred after he crossed specific lines: Sending unsolicited pictures of a sexual nature, lying about being single (he is, in fact, married, and adultery is a big deal in the Marine Corps), and approaching much younger women in the military romantically (something which is understandably frowned upon).
As far as I know, USEmCee approached around 30 women, myself included.
Why did he do all of this?
Letās revisit the nature of the lies he told. They varied depending on whom he approached. āIām a virginā was designed to make women not see him as a threat. āIām James Bondā was designed to impress. He was also known for his humor and for calling out what he saw as bad behavior among other members of the military.
Based on this, it looks like USEmCee wanted to live a fantasy: To be admired, respected, and desired ā all at the expense of his wife, the women he was fooling, and, hopefully, his military career.
People like him can be tricky to suss out, because money is not the motivator. There is something else, a character flaw, a bruised ego, maybe, that demands to be fed. When first outed, he played the sympathy card before deleting his main account (he also had a personal account, with his real name on it) ā and it was so heavy-handed as to instantly appear manipulative.
I very much doubt that he learned from this episode and I predict that, when the dust settles, his pathological lying will continue ā perhaps on a different platform.
Why is all of this really bad?
Obviously, the military frowns on this behavior for good reasons.
One particular reason has to do with security risk.
While USEmCee didnāt develop much of a rapport with me (something about the āvirginā thing struck me as odd, even though I continued to be nice to him), Iāve noted that he managed to essentially groom various younger women, many of whom were understandably sympathetic to this lonely-seeming man.
Thank God he wasnāt actually the āJames Bond of the Marine Corpsā ā because a married NCO carrying on online affairs is ripe for blackmail.
Also, consider the fact that USEmCee networked very well, and used this to his advantage. Peopleās friends followed him, so they followed him back. Imagine if heād been a malicious foreign actor all along. The more I look at miltwitter, the more I see one big entry point for foreign intelligence. Expect more scandals on that front.
People like USEmCee also destroy trust and rapport in niche communities. Some men were annoyed at the women who fell for his lies ā but what if heād pretended to be mentally ill, reaching out for help? How many of these same men wouldāve said, āDonāt worry buddy, I got youā? Considering the high rates of suicide in the veteran community, you never want to turn away someone who appears to be hurting. This is the kind of goodwill that people like USEmCee can exploit.
How to build resilience to sophisticated liars
Understand that these people like to network: Just because your friends follow someone doesnāt automatically make them trustworthy.
Donāt take anything too seriously: Itās OK to be flirtatious online. People are always going to do it, no matter what anyone says. But before you get in too deep with a particular individual ā ask yourself if itās worth the risk.
Doth the gentleman/lady protest too much? Remember that many people who enthusiastically participate in cancel culture do it because they have much to hide themselves.
Is this person always asking you to feel bad for them? We all have our sad moments, but integrity does not translate to a constant pity party. Perpetual self-flagellation is a deflection technique.
Understand that some donāt go for quantity. USEmCee courted so many women that the sheer numbers brought him down. A couple of women couldāve easily been dismissed as ājealousā or ācrazy.ā A highly sophisticated liar will target people sequentially, moving on only when their marks are no longer useful. Keep that in mind.
In light of all this, it was reassuring that a senior leader took note of USEmCeeās behavior:
Many people criticized Clyborneās tweet, pointing out that Twitter is not exactly the venue for these issues to be settled or discussed ā not among senior leaders, anyway.
Itās a fair point, but when you have someone as prolific as he was, itās good to acknowledge the situation.
Because liars like this are all about control in their chosen venue ā in this case, Twitter ā itās helpful to take action on their turf. It may at least make some other predatory men (or predatory women, for that matter) think twice.
If you found the above helpful or interesting, please note that just $5 a month allows me to follow all kinds of scandals ā and offer time-tested advice on how to deal with them ā¤ļø