When a relative is targeted by a military stolen valor scam

Check on the older people in your life. They're more vulnerable than ever

Older people are very isolated during this pandemic. This means that they can be easy marks for scammers — as I found out while working on a case of a man I’ll name John. John’s family was eager to share his story, as long as certain details were obscured/left out, hoping that it could help others.

One of John’s children, let’s call her Maria, contacted me through mutual friends some time ago, asking to investigate someone. She said that her father, who lives alone, was being taken in by a grifter who had repeatedly asked for large sums. The alleged grifter, let’s call her Amy, said she was a disabled female veteran who had fallen on hard times. John saw it as his duty to help out. Maria told me that there had been conflict in the family with regard to Amy — John became very upset at even the slightest suggestion that poor Amy could be a liar.

I’ve been targeted by fake “veterans” before as well, but I had to approach the issue with as little bias as possible. Bias doesn’t help when you’re investigating someone. So I told Maria that I would help out, but would try to be as careful as possible. I was honestly worried about becoming embroiled in a family conflict — after all, what if Amy was legit?

Long story short, Maria told me that John met Amy through mutual Facebook friends, and she gave me specific names. This proved immensely helpful, because I would up being able to cross-reference some of her claims about her service with some of the own public posts about her.

Furthermore, Maria turned over some screenshots of conversations that Amy had with John. For privacy reasons, I can’t publish most of them, but Maria and I agreed that this particular snippet is important. So here you go:

What’s wrong here?

First of all, that’s not how being medically retired from the military works in this country. Payments don’t automatically “have” to go through the VA (you choose to waive either your VA OR your DoD benefits — you just won’t get both). I haven’t heard of this issue “happening everywhere.” And not being able to set up direct deposit because of COVID? That seemed odd as well.

All of this made me suspicious that Amy was taking advantage of the fact that John may not be familiar with military bureaucracy in order to concoct a sob story for his benefit.

Speaking of military bureaucracy, Amy was also cleverly using the news cycle to her advantage. Stories about VA nightmares pop up regularly in the press. It’s not inconceivable that a veteran, a female veteran especially, would have problems with the VA. On the surface, the lie does not seem far-fetched — and this is exactly how many scammers get away with it.

By digging specifically through Facebook, I was able to un-earth several posts that specifically mentioned Amy being sick — these were made by friends years ago. NONE of them mentioned military service, but they did show, in screenshots, what appears to have been a nuked old Facebook account of Amy’s. She had apparently nuked her old one and set up a new one in order to interact with people like John. John wouldn’t have been able find evidence of the old account easily even if he had looked — because Amy was going by a different last name then.

Again, Amy was a good scammer, at least in this sense: She certainly appeared to have a history of health problems, or at the very least, a history of appealing to people with regard to said problems. Take a lie and sprinkle some facts throughout — and you have an even more effective way of conning people.

You can easily request someone’s military records, but sometimes, it helps even more if you are able to just go ahead and puncture an obvious lie. I had some of the dates for Amy’s alleged “deployments.” At the same time, one of her close relatives also had a very much unlocked Facebook account. I turned up almost a dozen of pictures of Amy, all tagged at home, mentioning specific family activities and posted during periods when badass valkyrie here was supposed to be OCONUS. I can’t say that Amy had aged gracefully (I’m sorry, but female veterans get enough crap without scammers like Amy making things worse for them, so I’ll be as mean as I want), but she was easily recognizable.

I was also able to turn up some court records. Without giving too many specific details away, let’s just say that Amy had enough run-ins with the federal courts to make her alleged military service not just implausible but impossible. The dates confirmed this. I was laughing so hard when I called Maria back. Her dad’s new friend was a classic, grade-A, 100% fraud.

Here’s where things get serious, though. Please consider the fact that loneliness can warp our minds badly — human beings are social creatures. Consider the fact that John was especially lonely due to the pandemic. I like to take an emotionally intelligent approach to investigations and their resolutions, which is why I gave Amy some advice on how to break the news to John. Here it is in a nutshell:

— Don’t shame the victim of a scammer. I will keep banging on about this for as long as I have to: Shaming doesn’t work! If anything, it can draw a victim further into a scammer’s web. The scammer is practiced at telling victims what they want to hear. They’ll say things like, “Wow, your relatives are so mean! This hurts my feefees! Why are these troglodytes so jealous of our beautiful relationship?” This can work on people.

— Consider the fact that scammers tend to have have specific targets in mind, and use people’s different vulnerabilities accordingly. Some will appeal to people’s love of animals and will solicit funds for a non-existent pet shelter (I’ve seen this a lot in Russia). Others will use children. In John’s case, he’s a staunch patriot + a kind, old-fashioned, gentlemanly type. It’s no wonder Amy was able to play him like a fiddle, and his family had to understand that in order to be able to help him.

— Appeal to emotions first, leave facts for later. Much like the victims of disinformation, the victims of scammers won’t automatically flip if you badger them with a long list of facts. Instead, you should create a supportive environment, where they feel like they are heard and respected. It works better.

— I also suggested that Maria meet John in person for this discussion. She’d already been self-isolating, and they agreed to meet up outside, in a cool place that had emotional significance for both of them. Again, scammers prey on lonely people — so it was important for John to not feel isolated when he got the news.

Did it work? Yes. There was some resistance on John’s part, but he promised to think about it. He later also reached out to me and asked me to explain my methods, which I did. I also told him all about how easy it is to look up records, which he appreciated. If you show a victim how they can start regaining control, they’re going to bounce back quicker!

Because Asshole Amy swiftly paid back most of the money, nobody pressed charges. This wasn’t Maria’s ideal outcome, but she ultimately realized that she wanted to spare her elderly father the stress.

I’m grateful to John and Maria for letting me share this story, and glad that I was able to help out. I think there are a lot of lessons here. One of the biggest ones is this: Check in on the older people in your life as often as you can. They are ideal targets for stolen valor types and other grifters.

If you think you or a relative are being targeted by an online scam, you can reach out to me at nvantonova [at] gmail (dot) com — I’ll see what I can do! If you learned something new today, please consider a $5 subscription. It helps me share this important work with the public.