To sex strike or not to sex strike

And other pressing questions from the internet

Somebody asked me the other day how I intend on doing a project called The Normie Restoration after Trump just won another term.

The same way I’ve always done it! This project started during a Trump administration, and at this point in my life I’ve lived through enough political upheaval. Whether you hate or love Trump - you do you, honestly - you know upheaval is going to happen. We all react to it differently. I just do what I have to do, for as long as I can do it. I borrowed that sentiment from a Bob Dylan song; it has served me well.

Obviously, I’m worried about how Trump intends or not intends to end Russia’s war on Ukraine (I deliberately do not use the phrase “war in Ukraine,” it is misleading). I’m worried about a lot of things. I let myself worry up until it interferes with my productivity, and then I set the feeling aside. I’m no good to anyone if I’m spinning out, and neither are you.

With that in mind, I’ve been curious to see so-called sex strikes for Kamala (to borrow Kat Rosenfield’s term) being promoted in almost every liberal, female-centric online space I currently occupy, usually by pointing out that South Korean women have been doing it as part of the 4B movement (the situation in South Korea is different from ours, just to be clear, but it’s definitely interesting).

First of all, I am deeply sympathetic to any woman or girl of child-bearing age who is terrified that she’s going to die of sepsis under the incoming administration and beyond. It’s a fear I also carry with me.

It’s already happening. It happened, for example, to a teenager in Texas, under the Biden administration (I’m saying that with the caveat that abortion rights have obviously reverted back to the states, apparently some people need that to be spelled out).

Nevaeh Crain, who died alongside her baby, was against abortion. Her mother was against abortion. Her mother BEGGED the doctors to save her pregnant daughter’s life. They did nothing until it was too late, because her non-viable fetus still had a heartbeat, and Texas aggressively goes after doctors for trying to save the mother’s life in a case like this, even if there are no options to save the pregnancy. If this Greek fucking tragedy doesn’t chill you to the bone, you’re a fucking asshole.

This country spent years fighting the Taliban. I guess some of us have also now decided that the Taliban has great ideas as far as women are concerned. Why do these people get to enjoy the fruits of civilization while consigning women to brutal primitivism? How much deep-seated, Old Testament-style hatred for women do you have to have in order to believe that Nevaeh Crain’s outcome was acceptable?

Isn’t it interesting that Adam hid behind his wife when God was all like, “What’s up with the apple?” I feel like many, many religious men take this approach. Dump temptation on the woman. Wash your hands of it.

These are all rhetorical questions that I find myself asking, but I am fucking sick of the idea that it is a woman’s sacred duty to die a horrible and preventable death or be consigned to a life of misery because abortion bad. I’m saying this as someone who has complicated feelings on abortion, seeing as I was supposed to be aborted (this piece by Caitlin Flanagan captures how I feel).

I think science will even out the playing field on this topic in the future, providing us with more options in dire situations, but for that to happen millions of people, including women themselves, must reject the idea that we are broodmares or blood sacrifices.

I don’t know if this country will get there. I can only hope that it does.

So if you don’t want to have sex that can result in pregnancy, and if you’re angry and upset, you have every right to opt out. I don’t care who makes fun of that and why. In fact, I’ve seen some of the least well-adjusted dudes I personally know making fun of it, which might tell you something.

HAVING SAID ALL THAT, as I’ve repeatedly stated, we have a loneliness epidemic in this country, and it leads to other bad outcomes.

We are social, interconnected creatures. Sexual desire is normal for us. Yes, for women too, even if it’s sometimes convenient to pretend that sex is transactional for half the population. I would urge everyone to think long and hard (pun absolutely intended, I’m a child, I don’t care) about any radical decisions when it comes to your sex life.

Safety often comes at the price of happiness. It’s not fair, but nothing in this world is particularly fair. I’ve seen a lot of big gestures toward sexlessness, but let’s check in on depression rates down the line, if those gestures are all completely serious.

Meanwhile, the same person who asked me if I intended to keep the Normie Restoration going also asked me if I’m going to opt out of sex too now (hm, I do wonder why that was on his mind).

I honestly wasn’t going to write about that at first, but then I realized that maybe some of you will benefit from my personal perspective:

I know myself very well. I can do celibacy up to a point. I don’t think I was put on this good Earth for celibacy, however, and intimacy is important to me, including intimacy with men.

Knowing yourself is a huge part of any struggle, and of surviving any difficult or simply unpredictable time in your life.

I’ve seen some guilting and some very harsh words as far as sex strikes go, in Facebook groups and elsewhere. Social media is a validation-seeking tool, so that in itself is not unusual. I just want you to understand that if you or anyone you know feels *pressured* into abandoning intimacy for political reasons, I would reevaluate all that.

A lot of more liberal-minded people have an easy time understanding how abandoning intimacy for strict, religious reasons can be deeply unhealthy. But the same people can get the idea that, say, political lesbianism (an older idea) is not unhealthy at all, and anyone can do it. Or that anyone can simply opt out of sex for years, if not for the rest of their life, if its for an ideology that is progressive enough.

Honestly? I think there’s a disconnect here.

I think that people should do what makes them comfortable. I also think that the internet is making us batshit nuts, and that listening to strangers on the internet, taking to heart what they say to you and about you, and trusting them as long as you’re politically aligned can be very risky.

So I’m not going to tell you what to do with your body, as I am another stranger on the internet. What I am going to tell you is that when in uncharted waters, make sure to keep your head up and breathe. Take care of yourself. No one else is going to do it for you, not really.

Lately, I’ve felt a bit like Detective Somerset, Morgan Freeman’s character in “Seven.” Old and cranky and worried about the youngs, albeit not always in a constructive way. At the gut-wrenching end of the movie, Somerset’s boss asks him where he’ll be. “Around,” Somerset says, a throwaway line I’ve always loved.

And then he quotes Hemingway, “Ernest Hemingway once wrote, ‘The world is a fine place and worth fighting for.’ I agree with the second part.”

I agree with the first part too, but sporadically. When I can. Either way, I stay around.