How to talk to your kids about Russian spies
Could your loved ones be targets for the GRU? Here's how you can help!
If you pay attention to the news, you may have heard about former Army Green Beret Peter Debbins, recently sentenced to 15 years in the slammer for betraying his country by working with Russian intelligence.
There is a lot to be said about Debbins’ sad and revolting case, but what jumped out to me is how it is a learning opportunity for parents who don’t want their kids — or anyone else they love — to be ensnared by Russian spies.
As my friend Mike Eckel highlighted, Debbins had a lot to say in his defense, including arguing that the GRU (Russian military intelligence) used the fact that he’s into men against him:
As sympathetic as I am to people negatively impacted by Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, there’s just a lot here that doesn’t add up.
Zanyfen summed up just some of the issues here very succinctly:
I’ve come under pressure from obvious members of the Russian security services while writing about Russia myself — and I completely concur. These people tend to not get this specific. Usually, that is.
The FBI had more to say on the subject, as per Mike’s excellent summary here:
There are, however, very useful narratives that emerge from both Debbins’ statements and the FBI’s affidavit.
First of all, it is completely believable that the GRU would be extremely interested in a foreign traveler’s sexual activities while visiting Russia. This is basic stuff, and it’s amazing how many people don’t realize it. It hasn’t changed since 1996, though it can be very random.
I blame spy movies for diluting our perception of Russian spying efforts. We have so many movies that turn this side of espionage into something “hot” or else something funny (think Austin Powers), that we’re not inclined to take it seriously.
But it still happens! A fact that I am very open about is that while I worked in Moscow, I was married to a very talented, but very cruel man. He repeatedly raised a hand to me, and, eventually, I began to cheat on him (not a great coping mechanism, but thinking straight when you’re being abused is hard!). Some unpleasant people eventually noticed my behavior. It wasn’t even because I was under constant surveillance — I was nobody important! — but because there are always unpleasant people hanging around the periphery of journalist/foreigner circles in Moscow. All it takes is one person talking to the wrong kind of person.
I was lucky. I didn’t work for the military or the State Department. I felt completely shameless, even justified, when it came to my indiscretions. I was furthermore used to people taking an interest in my personal life — I come from a delightfully scandal-ridden family. Confronted and slyly pressured twice, I laughed each time. Imagine, however, if I was somebody very different.
This is why it’s important for people to know that yes, Russian agents CAN try to use their personal lives against you. It’s not a stereotype, it’s not a cliché, even if it sounds like one. If you visit Russia, plan accordingly (and here’s the thing, I always advise military veterans, for example, to forgo going entirely — Russia uses our people as hostages nowadays).
If you have progressive Gen-Z’ers in your family who think that what I’ve just said is just disgusting russophobia, please consider educating them on how the LGBTQ community is treated in Russia. Consider torture and murder of gay men in Chechnya. Consider how LGBT Russians are regularly forced to flee the country.
You don’t have to stereotype all Russians everywhere to admit basic facts: If Russian officials can torment their own citizens over their personal lives, they will gladly do it to foreigners.
Now, let’s go back to the FBI affidavit. Notice anything interesting there? Oh yes. The GRU enticed Debbins by making him feel like a “loyal son of Russia.”
Why is this important? Because validation is important for us human beings. People lacking healthy validation, those are lonely and/or confused about their identity, can make great targets for Russian spies.
This is something I think about a lot. My wonderful son was born in Moscow. He is more than half-Russian, considering that my mother is also from Russia. Could that make him a target in the future? Anything’s possible.
Consider my own childhood. My maternal grandfather was a Soviet maj. general. He was a wonderful, fascinating man, and I was very close to him. I was shattered by his death at 73. After that, it became important for my mother to have me deny my Ukrainian roots (I was born in Ukraine), in order to be “loyal” to my grandfather’s memory. Her complicated marriage to my Ukrainian father played a role in that as well. For years, I was angry and confused by all this, unsure of who I really am. You can even say that I went to work as a journalist in Russia to find out. And I found out, alright.
To be perfectly clear, I found out that as grateful as I was for the opportunities awarded to me there, and as wonderful as it was to be part of the theater scene in particular, I couldn’t fit in, and I couldn’t stay. I was lucky that my love for my adopted motherland, the United States, was stronger than anything else. Lucky, also, that both my late grandfather and my late father encouraged this love.
So, how do you talk to a multicultural or else simply confused and/or alienated child about the possibility of their identity being exploited against them? Here’s a golden rule: Remind the people you care about that Russians *laugh* at anyone who betrays their own country. They must’ve laughed at Debbins as they worked him. There are a lot of things wrong with Russian society, but one thing they get absolutely right is this — they hate a traitor.
Loyal son of Russia my lily-white, Slavic ass. I guarantee you that nobody in the GRU ever thought that about Debbins. They simply played him. And now he’s behind bars.
It’s an ugly story, and nobody has to repeat it.
To sum it up — the threat of Russian espionage is real. It will always be real. But if we learn to talk about it in ways that are actually useful, we can prevent disaster.
And if you think that anyone you know may benefit from what I wrote here, please pass it on.
If you learned something new or interesting today, please consider a $5-per-month subscription. Just five bucks a month helps me to help you deal with the GRU, and other annoying/scary people.
