I was asked to do this piece long before President Volodymyr Zelensky visited my neck of the woods. He inspired the majority of the people here āĀ and caused the usual howls of consternation from extremist fans of the genocidal Vladimir Putin.
So I thought, āWhat a wonderful way to wrap up this horrible and also hopeful year! Letās discuss how to counter this type of extremism on the personal level!ā
First of all, Iām not interested in changing Tucker Carlsonās mind. Heās both a smarmy child of privilege and a fascist accelerationist who basks in negativity, because it gets him paid. Real fascism, of the sort that Russia exports, would terrify poor, soft Tucker. But thatās beside the point.
I am, however, interested in helping YOU talk to your friends and relatives who may agree with Tucker, or his pal Glenn Greenwald, or with whatever far left/far right magazine publishing stories that amount to, āStanding up to murderous dictators is bad.ā
Letās keep these points in mind:
Most people adopt extremist positions when they are scared and/or angry. Weāre more connected than ever today, but we are also more anxious, precisely because we can share information more easily. Weāre not used to processing so much information. It overwhelms us. We become upset. People who are upset are more easily manipulated.
Itās OK to assume that most people are basically reasonable. Weāve all seen horrific examples of what happens when fascism dominates a society. Russia is going through that right now. The thing is, most people donāt want to end up in that sort of crisis. Most people just want to live their lives and raise their kids and go to potlucks and whatever. Remember that when you talk to them.
Domestic abuse offers a good strategy for helping people who have been lied to. Donāt push them. Donāt yell at them. Donāt be condescending, even when you want to. Tell them that they can come to you when they change their minds. Itās what my friends did when they helped me extricate myself from a very abusive marriage. It works. Leaving a door open, letting it stand ajar and let a little light in, is one of the best things you can do when you see someone angry and adrift.
Focus on the good, donāt let gloom overwhelm you. Did you know that the Bolsheviks were able to come to power in Russia in part because they called themselves the Bolsheviks? They referred to themselves as āthe majorityā when they were, in fact, the minority at first. It was a trick, and it worked. Do not let extremists convince you that they are a powerful majority, itās how you hand them that power.
Iāll be honest with you guys, I have personally never been more exhausted than I am right now. That one year I had a baby on my arm while running a newspaper, producing a movie, writing a play, and dealing with an abusive drunk at home was a piece of cake compared to, well, all this.
BUT, hereās the thing. I have also never experienced more love. I have seen so many great people set their differences aside and work together, selflessly, to help the vulnerable, targeted as they are by a murderous Russian war machine intent on wiping out an entire country and culture. I have seen people stand up and show up. I donāt know what could possibly be more wholesome than that.
I was recently struck by the angel in Jan Van Eyckās Annunciation again:
Itās perfect, isnāt it? Wry, excited, beautiful, and knowing. The power of angels is that theyāre us but not quite us at the same time. They are uncanny, but in a lovely way. Their visitations are magical. Sometimes, you have the privilege of being the angel for someone else, if only for a little bit.
Cynical people puff their chests out and pretend to be badass. Kind people just get on with doing what needs to be done. And yes, kindness needs to be armed to the teeth sometimes.
Itās my wish that all of you reading this have kindness in your lives. Good luck out there, be good to yourselves and to others.
When someone roars in spouting Putin/GOP talking points, I like to ask them one simple question.
You know how Putin made the price of gas go up really badly this year, do you want to give him Ukraine and let him do the same thing to the price of bread and cooking oil?
The puzzled looks on faces quickly turn themselves into calculations of self-interest, the only thing most people foolish enough to watch Fox News consider anyway, and then give way...